Thoughts Part 2: The Story of Us

Every now and then we see each other but there are no reactions. When we do it's like we both are strangers to one another. No words, no Hellos, no stares, no eye contact, no nothing. It kills me! It kills me to death. It's like an awkward moment. The feeling that you want to talk but you can't because your mouth won't open because it's glued with superglue. 


I hate the feeling when were on the same room, he's so close and I can't even say hi. It's torture. It's plain agony! I don't know what to do for our friendship to come back.


Well, maybe because I'm afraid. Afraid of his reaction. Afraid of the thoughts in his head. 


What if he hates me? What if, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore? What if he has moved on and tries to forget all of our past and everything that our friendship had?


Those "What ifs" scare me. They kill me every time I think of them. See, I miss him. I miss him more than anything in my life. It may sound exaggerated but that's how I feel. 


However, I know that if we may talk again, be close to each other again, everything will never be the same just like before. 


                                          
                                                                                                                         -Damsel, Jaenni :'>

Mine

We were in pre-school when I met Sophia. She was a transferee at our school. Before she transferred, I was always the one who gets high scores and grades or even get perfect scores in the exams, and always at the top. The teacher gave us the monthly test on the day that she transferred. When the results came the teacher announced that only one got perfect. Everyone expected that it was me, even the moms of my classmates expected that it was me. But it was her. Everyone was shocked. Who would think that a girl with braided hair in half who is thin and looked like she didn’t know anything would get a perfect score in her first day?

 I was embarrassed for the first time. I told myself that the next time this girl will get a higher rank than me in school or anywhere, I will treat her as my rival. The next days made me depressed while Sophia impressed everyone. And at that very moment, she was my rival.

I even told her that I will defeat her no matter what happens. But she just replied, “Who are you?” Yeah, that’s right. I haven’t introduced myself to her. I told her to remember my name, “Cedric. C-E-D-R-I-C. Cedric Thompson.”

I entered to the school where she entered for grade school. It was just a public school. I did my best and used my charm to force my mom and dad to let me study in that school and not in the prestigious school they want for me. They were wondering why I wanted to study in that kind of school but they let me in. Sophia and I were classmates. I did all my best to surpass her in anything but nothing happened. She’s always the first and I’m the second, she’s the winner and I’m the loser. That’s great. But those things just pushed me to keep my promise to myself. Girls in the school always cheer for me every time I am defeated, “Cedric! You did great!” “You’re still handsome! Don’t mind them!” “You’re still the winner in our hearts!” But those things didn’t help.

          When we were in high school, I still followed her. It was a better school. It was a private school. At last I felt that I belong there. Every time I pass by a crowd, girls are shouting my name. That’s embarrassing but I still share my smiles to them and they all go crazy. While Sophia, every time I smile at her or go near her, her expressions are still the same. She wouldn’t even mile or even look away. She just stares at me. And that chills me to the bones.

           One day, I borrowed her notebook but I lost it. As an apology, I asked her to eat with me, just to treat her for lunch. I think she misunderstood that, she thought that I asked her out to go out on a date. Great! Then, something came up to me, what if I make her like me and then she’ll fall in love for me, then I’ll dump her. 

           

           A brilliant idea. In that way, I will win! Then, I started my plan. I walk her home or send her to where she is going, carry her books, treat her lunch like a boyfriend to his girl. But that would never happen. Everyone looks around us like, “They’re dating? Since when?!” “How sweet!” “No way! Cedric? Dating that kind of girl? Maybe that’s just a dare.” I’d like to punch each and every one of them. Sophia is not that bad. Maybe she looks arrogant but she’s nice and she just likes to be alone. 

           She’s the only child and her mom raised her alone. Her dad died in a car accident when she was 4. She told me her background and after that, my conscience bothered me.

           There was an incident when I walked her home and her phone rang. It was her aunt. Sophia dropped her phone and then she was trembling. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t ready for that. I asked her calmly what happened and then she told me that her mom had an accident and she’s in the hospital. I can see in her eyes that she was really afraid. Her dad died in an accident. She would not want that to happen to her mom. I called a taxi. We rushed to the hospital. I held her trembling, cold hands while we were on the cab and she squeezed my hand when we reached the hospital.

When we went into her mom’s room, we saw her watching TV like nothing happened. Sophia asked her what happened, then she just replied, “Sorry if I made you worry. It was just a fracture. It will heal immediately. Your mom’s stupid. You even brought a friend.” Me? Sophia’s friend?  Since when? Sophia screamed and then started to cry, telling her mom that she was really worried and to be more careful. It’s the first time I saw her like that. I went out of the room. Seeing her mom safe was a relief. 

Sophia went out and told me, “Thank you. If not for you, I would not make it here because I don’t know what to do if I’m alone.” And then, she smiled. I hoped I did not blush. She was really cute with her braided hair still in half. It was the first time that she smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. I was really happy that time.

Our class once had a camping for two days and a night. Of course there are lots of activities in the camp. We should work in pairs. Sophia was my partner. I was glad with that. Each pair has their tent. Great. The two of us together. Girls envied her for that. And each pair should lock hands. What kind of school is this? But I kinda like it. I don’t know how it would work. Teachers said it is to teach us discipline and responsibility. Discipline for waking up early, for waiting for your pair all the time and responsibility to take care of each other.

The first day ended. Every one sang around the campfire and we were dismissed to sleep. We were on our way to our tent when someone called, Alex, my girlfriend wannabe. I don’t like her. She’s opposite all over to Sophia. She tells everyone in the school that she’s my girlfriend which is too far to be true. So I talked to her. She asked her if Sophia is my girlfriend and I told her, “No. Not yet.” And she left.

I went to our tent. Sophia was already asleep. She’s cute. No, she’s pretty. Really pretty with her hair untied. I sat next to her and watched her. I didn’t know what came into me but I touched her face. Part of me wanted to kiss her, but no. I shouldn’t do that, it’s not yet the right time. I just took pictures of her.

When I woke up, she was already dressed for the Capture-their-Flags game. She didn’t left me even though she already knew that we were late. Of course, it’s because of the rule, “DO NOT LEAVE YOUR PARTNER, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.” And so she did. She told me that she tried to wake me up, but it didn’t work. I was sorry for that.

We rushed to the game. We tried our best to get our opponents’ flags. And then, we won. I was really happy that time which made me hug her. She was shocked but she just hugged back. Maybe she was also really glad that time. Everyone stared at us. But I didn’t care. The camp ended. I wished that it would last longer.

I changed my plan of making her like me and then dump her. I changed the whole thing. I will make her mine. No matter what happens, she will be mine. There are lots of guys that time who also noticed her beauty so I had to keep an eye on her.

We were once again partners. So I invited her to make our project at our house. My mom was really amazed that at last I brought a girl there. She kept on asking Sophia questions and Sophia was really happy to answer them. That’s strange. Then, my mom screamed. Sophia and I were shocked. Then she said, “You! I remember you! You’re the girl I saw in Ced’s phone! And you’re also the wallpaper in his laptop and in his iPad!” I wished I didn’t blush that time. I was really embarrassed that time. Sophia just smiled but I knew she wanted to laugh and I saw that she blushed a little bit. I hoped so.

We finished high school. That means college is next. I planned to follow her again to where she will study. But my parents wanted me to study to the university they want me in. I followed them even if it will break my heart. I tried not to see Sophia for days, for weeks, and for months to make it easier for me to adjust. And even a year. Each day I didn’t see her, it makes my heart break even more. I didn’t contact her. Because contacting her would only make me miss her even more.

Years passed by.

My graduation day came. I was so down as I entered the doors of the university hall. I didn’t mind the girls taking pictures of me, shouting my name. I wished Sophia was there. I haven’t forgotten her. Her eyes, her smile, her hair, and everything about her.

I am the summa cum laude. I delivered my speech which made my heart sank. I kept on talking about my rivalry with a girl who always wins whatever I do to defeat her. All of them were shocked when they heard it. For them, I am the smartest, the brightest , and the greatest, good-looking guy in town. That no one would ever defeat me. The graduation ended. I was hopeless that she will come. And then, there came a familiar voice behind me.

“Hey! Was that me in your speech? Am I that great?” It was her. The girl I have been waiting for.

I can’t express my feelings that time. I didn’t know what to do. She was way too different than the last time I saw her. She’s beautiful. Really beautiful. And this time, she was smiling, the kind of smile that a guy would want from a girl they like. And she was now confident of herself.

Then, she said, “So, what now? Do you want to tell me something? Your mom told you don’t have a girlfriend… why?”

So many questions, but I was willing to answer all of them. I was just really happy that she came.

“Uhhhhmmmm… Yes, I want to tell you something. But, before that, do you have a boyfriend?”

“Haha. I didn’t have a boyfriend ever since. But I have lots of suitors and I have lots of friends now.”

Her confidence is way too high now. But I was glad to hear that.

She said, “So. What would you like to tell me?”

“Oh. Right. I didn’t have a girlfriend because…. I was waiting for someone. I mean, I was waiting for the right time to make that girl mine.” I said nervously.

She smiled. Then she stepped closer to me. “Can you tell me who she is?”

I felt my heart beat went faster and faster. I should tell her, before it’s too late. I said confidently, “You already knew who she is.”

“No. Tell me. I want to hear her name.”

People around stared at us, waiting for something to happen. Even my mom, dad and my sister supported me, looking at me nervously.

“She is my rival since we were kids. Until I realized that I like her. Then, it became love.”

“…..”

“She’s Sophia Rodriguez. The one in front of me now.”

She laughed. “Really!?”

“Hey, that’s not a laughing stuff.”

“Sorry. I was just happy that you now have the guts to tell me what you feel.”

“So, does that mean, Yes?

“Huh? I didn’t remember that you asked something that is answerable by ‘Yes’.”

“Aaahh.. Sorry. I’ll be straight to the point now. Would you marry me? We’re on the right age now.”

She blushed. “You’re serious?! We’re not even boyfriend and girlfriend! And you don’t even have a ring!”

“Who said I don’t?” I got the ring on my necklace I have been wearing since I left for college. She raised an eyebrow. “So, would you be my girlfriend?”, I continued.

She smiled and gave me a big hug. Then she kissed me on my cheek. “Oh yes! Of course! And I’m also willing to be Mrs. Cedric Thompson.”

With what she said, my heart wanted to burst. I can’t express why I felt. It was a dream came true!

That was the best thing that happened to me. I’ll never let anyone ruin our lives. I’ll never let anyone ruin our relationship.

All I know is I love her. I really love her.

-Damsel Jennica ^.^

Endless

  My feelings for Ethan started when I was sixteen. He is a kind-hearted, god-fearing, good-looking guy. He is the ideal man of every women. Being the cheer leading captain had been an advantage to me since Ethan is a part of the university’s Basketball Team. Each day, I hoped and prayed that next school year, he will be my classmate.

            And gladly, He answered my prayers. And not only that. He’s also my seatmate. We became friends, and with that we became special friends. ‘Til there came a day when Ethan was absent for class. That day, I felt empty, incomplete. I tried to call him but I think it’s awkward for a girl to call the guy first. So, I waited for the next day.

            When I came to school, I found a note at my desk which said, “Meet me at the cafeteria, 2:00 pm.” The moment I read the note, I felt butterflies in my stomach.

             1:45 pm. I hurriedly went to the cafeteria. I found Ethan sitting on the table in the corner of the cafeteria. There were no other people around except for the two of us. My heart started to beat faster and faster each second.

           “Olivia……” he said. “ I know I’m a little fast but I treated you as my very special friend. Your eyes, your smile, I can’t stand a day without those. When you’re not around, I feel very incomplete. Can we be more than friends?”

           My mind went empty.

         “Olivia?”

         “Yes, Mr. Go.” I answered.

            I can’t describe hi. He was jumping and shouting. Then, he hugged me. I felt the warmth of his chest. His hug became tighter and tighter until it seemed like I can’t breath.

          “Uhmm. Ethan?” I uttered.

             He let go of me. From that day, he sent me inspiring quotes every morning, fetch me in our home to school and he would carry my book for me.

             Then one Saturday afternoon, he texted me and wanted me to meet him at his favorite beach. When I arrived there, I found him carving something on a rock.

           “We are migrating.” He told me.
           “What? Where?” I asked.
           “Canada.”
           “When?”
           “A week from now.”
           Then I noticed a tear fell from his eye. And I started crying.
           "When will you be coming back?”
           “After 10 years.”
           I was hurt. Really hurt. I changed the topic to hide the pain I felt inside.
           “What are you carving?”
           “As soon as we get back from Canada, let’s meet here again. I will wait for you.”
           That time, I found myself hugging him.
           “It’s already late. Mom’s already looking for me.”
           “Please come back.” I said.
           I waited for his reply. But there was none, even a word. I was really crying hard.
          “Stop crying. I’ll be back”, he told me.

           After he said that, he planted a kiss on my forehead. Before I went home, I looked at the carving. What’s written was “November 30, 2001, Ethan Go loves Olivia Sy.”

          Ethan left. Things went well but there’s this feeling of emptiness in me. It seemed like Ethan was the missing piece.

          10 years passed. November 30, 2011. The day Ethan will come back. I hurriedly bathed myself, changed my clothes and went to the beach.

         When I arrived, I saw I saw a young boy holding apiece of paper. It was probably a letter placed inside an envelope sealed with a heart-shaped sticker.

         “What are you doing here, young lad?”
         “I’m looking for a woman, miss.” He replied.
         “A woman? How would you know that you already found that woman?”
         “I have her photo.”
         “May I see it? I can help you find her.” I told him with a smile.
         He pulled out the photo from his pocket.
         “This photo looks familiar.”, I whispered to myself.
         That woman in the photo was me, 10 years ago.
         “This is me. Why are you looking for me boy?”
         “Oh, at last. My father wants to give this letter to you, miss.”
         “Your father?” I asked him curiously.
         “Oliver?” a woman asked.
         “Oh, sorry miss. My mother is already looking for me. Bye!”

         I opened the envelope and found the letter.
The letter said:

                                                                                                                                     November 25,2011
                 To my dearest Olivia,

                 I want to say sorry to you because I can’t fulfill my promise. When we migrated, I met the     daughter of my parents’ best friends. My parents thought that Isabelle and I are suited for each other so they arranged a wedding for us. I don’t love Isabelle and she also doesn’t love me, but for our parents’ sake, we decided to push through the wedding.

                3 years after we were married, I was diagnosed to have leukemia, stage 4. I consulted the doctor and he told me that I only have 2 years left in the world.

               When He gave Oliver to us, I asked him to give this letter to you since I can’t go back to the Philippines anymore.

               Olivia, I want you to always remember that my love for you will last until my heart will stop beating.

  Take care. I love you.
                                                                                                                                                                                                Love,                                                                                                                                                                       Ethan

              As I was reading his letter, I can’t stop crying. I was about to keep the letter when I noticed a hard object inside the envelope. There was a pendant with our picture inside it. I swore to always wear the pendant and no one, no other man, can surpass Ethan’s love for me.                                                                                                                                     




                                                                                                                      -Damsel Charielle -.-

Thoughts

Michael.


Charming, cute, smart, appealing, most girls in school would want to date him,... a douche bag, Mr. Too much love for himself. That's how I knew him when we were in the 7th Grade. 


I didn't like him at first, until we were seatmates during the 8th Grade. 


When I knew that we were going to be seatmates, I was like "OMG, am I going to get along with this douche?"


At first, it was awkward. But as the days passed by we were already getting to know each other better. It was just a snap when we clicked. It was just in an instant. It was magic. and before I knew it we were close friends. 


We exchanged numbers. We would text everyday after class or even chat at Facebook.


That's when I realized that he's not a douche bag after all. Instead, he is a sweet guy with a loving heart.


He would tell me about his crushes or past loves and as I listen to him I can feel that he is really faithful and dedicated although he has a lot of past relationships.


Month after month we became closer and closer.We would consistently text each other everyday. Talk about our wild imaginations and almost everything. Our conversations wouldn't end unless we both forget and close our eyes.


He became sweet to me. He says sweet words and I catch myself smiling every time I read or listen to them. And when we talk, I can't look straight to his eyes and then I realized that I already love him. 


I didn't tell him. i was afraid, like any other girl out there. I kept it inside specially that I know that he was in love with someone else. Every time he tells me about his day with his crush or how he feels about her, I feel the pain inside me. I feel like something inside me is bleeding. Sometimes, it even makes me cry.


One day, we texted, as always. I told him:


Me: Don't be too sweet to me, or else, I might have a crush on you.


It was a joke. a joke that was half meant. 


Michael: Aww. Don't worry. It's okay for you to have a crush on me. It's only a crush, right?


After I read that, I literally screamed. i didn't expect that. It's okay for him. I never knew he would actually react like that. he's different from the other guys that I had a crush one.


after a week or two we chatted. He brought up a topic about his crush. It was annoying me. I was hurting. I told him that he was numb. 


Me: Why are people so numb?
Michael: Like who?
Me: Like you.
Michael: Me? When did I become NUMB?!
Me: I don't know. You're just numb. You can't feel anything.
Michael: Why?
Me:...
Michael: What do you want? For us to be together? Are you in love with me Claire?
Me: No!
Michael: Then why are you acting that way?


I didn't reply to him. On that moment, I was mad at myself for being so crazy. I was drawn to my emotions. I didn't control myself. That was the most foolish thing I have ever done in my life.

On the following day, my best friend PMed me. She knows I have a crush on Michael.

Alex: Michael said you had a fight with him? 
Me: What? We fought? 
Alex: That's what he said.
Me: Hahaha. I didn't mean what I said. He's too serious.
Alex: What did you say? 
Me: That he's numb.
Alex: What?! 
Me: I know, I was carried away.is he really mad? 
Alex: I think so. Well, I don't know.  Ask him. 
Me: Okay. 
Then I PMed him. I was shaking. 
I was nervous what if he won't reply. 

Me: Hi
Michael: Hi
Me: Alex told me that you told her we fought? 
Michael: Yeah
Me: Are you mad? 
Michael: Yes. 
Me: Why? I was just joking! 
Michael: Why am I numb? 
Me: I was just joking! 

Then that was the end. We didn't talk to each other at school during the next day. I guess he was really serious about what I said. I can't stand it. I can't stand not talking to him so I approached him and said sorry. He accepted it. "Do you have a crush on me?" he asked me. It was awkward. We were aitting side by side and he was looking at me. I looked at him  in the eyes but immediately looked down because I can't stand it. I can't handle his stair. "Don't be this way Claire, our friendship will be lost."

I was shocked. I was shocked when I heard that. Why will our friendship be lost? I thought he said it's okay for me to have a crush on him. I thought he could accept me. I thought he was different from the other guys but I guess I was wrong. I was wrong about everything I thought he was. I was mad at him. I was mad at myself. I can't believe that I was so foolish to believe in him.

"No. I don't." I answered him sadly.

After that, our closeness faded. We didn't text again. At school when we would see each other, we wouldn't talk and as if we don't know each other. 

Everything was left like that. 

A year after, my other bestfriend, Megan, told me about what Michael told her. She knew that I had a crush on Michael before so she asked him if did he ever had a crush on somebody chubby, like me. She didn't mention my name. He answered "Yes, I have." 
"Do I know her?" Megan asked "Yes you do. Very much. She's charming. I know that she has a crush on me, but I was inlove with someone else and I realize that the one that I was inlove with was not the right girl. Claire was."

After Megan told me that, my heart sank. But it was too late. Everything was gone. It's too late to bring back everything that happened and was before. 
Too bad we can't turn back time.

                                                                                                                                -Damsel, Jaenni :'>